Friday, May 09, 2008


Barak Obama was discussing taxes the other day when he heard someone in the audience say we don’t need more taxes, we need a flat-tax. Unfortunately, Obama, who is looking for every way possible to raise taxes thought the person said “fat-tax” and yelled “yes” that’s what we need a FAT TAX!

He expounded on the idea. “ We could impose a monthly one-dollar obesity tax for every pound that a person is over the government defined ideal weight and have it deducted from their paychecks. That means if you’re supposed to be 150 pounds and weigh 175, you’d be required to pay $300 per year,” he calculated. “300X300,000, glorious to think abo....” he trailed off.......

“The government could also increase the tax in take by defining the ideal weight down which would automatically increase taxes.” Barack continued his excitement. “Think of all the diabetics out there who are over-weight by 100 pounds and have a difficult time trimming down. The threat is ‘slim down’ or we’ll take the weight out of your back pocket.” Obama was positively glowing.

“We could raise billions,” Obama gushed. “It would encourage people to loose weight, and if they didn’t, the taxes would help offset
the costs to the government caused by fat people. It could also help reduce medical costs if a person lost weight.” By this time Obama was drooling.

As the evening wore on, Obama expounding fervently over the newly discovered answer on to how to raise taxes. “With everything else in our lives already taxed to near extinction, this is a great idea,” he concluded, as he nearly floated off the podium, his face raised to the ceiling, his feet barely touching the ground. His wife Michelle, floated with him, her mind returning to her familiar theme, how can I get back at the rotten American people...“this is great,” she muttered in an almost apoplectic-like trance.

Then, reality struck. Michelle’s eyes snapped open... “what about OPRAH?” she screamed. “Don’t worry, honey,” Barack soothed, “I’ll issue an executive order excluding anyone named Oprah who owns a magazine by the same name.” Michelle, mollified, went back into her “I hate America, it did me wrong” trance.

Well, folks, NewsGnome is thrilled to know that Democrats have found a new tax and only have to raise the rates of other taxes by double. They can even sound magnanimous. Meanwhile, if you’re a pound or 10 overweight, keep your hand on to your wallet....on second thought don’t, it might help because the Obama Democrats can lift your wallet directly out of your jeans and you’d be lighter in the process....yes....Obama is getting to like this idea more and more.

Elect Obama, he’ll have ways to tax you, you’ve never dreamed of.
And rich fat Democrats like Oprah will be excluded from this new fat tax, as fat-cat Democrats usually are when it comes to new taxes.

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